In-joke

You say it and then whoosh
It roars up into being
Like this massive intensive horrendous beautiful thing
That still I can’t control

I want to squash it until it rolls into a little ball
And fits nicely into my pocket along with my Vaseline
Hidden away from the rest of the world
I want to buy it for one euro twenty
And eat it at a specific time each night
But I always end up trekking round and round
These same insecure paths again

I come to your door and you come to mine
I freak out at your freaking
And as we slide into the depths of my chair
I begin to see this unreachable fear
Looming near the bottom of the iceberg
That we are really just some cosmic in-joke
A hand that grasps through the darkness for a second
And then lets go
That one day I will touch your neck
And the punchline will explode all over us

And now it seems I’ve walked full circle back to the whooshing and the
Out of control-ness of it all
Yet this life in equilibrium
This uncomfort
Balanced on the end of a look a phrase a wink
Makes me feel alive
And you say that I always smile but I’m sure I never did before
So I guess it must be good